Alternative Family Building

Many voices. Many questions.

As technology and medicine continue to evolve, so has the definition of the family.

Alternative Families may include adoptive parents, individuals, and couples who have conceived with the help of donor gametes (donor eggs, sperm, or embryos), adoptees, and donor-conceived persons.

Some might also consider birth parents, gamete donors, birth parents, surrogates, and gestational carriers to be a part of their extended family.

Whether you’re considering alternative family building or are already a member of an alternative family, you know that there are often fears, unanswered questions, and misinformation that can become overwhelming and sometimes even cause emotional wounds.

If you’re an individual or couple considering using a donor to conceive…

It’s challenging to wrap your head around what all that means.

What factors and attributes should I consider when selecting a donor?

Will I feel connected to my child?

Will my friends and family be supportive of this decision?

If you’re the parent of a donor-conceived person…

You may question whether you want to share this information – and with whom.

Or agonize over if, when, and/or how to share this information with your child. How will your child respond to this information?

Will he or she want to find – and possibly meet – the donor?

For individuals or couples considering adoption…

You may feel resentful – or even angry – that you’re forced to endure a home study where someone will evaluate and assess whether you’re fit to become a parent – as if you haven’t been through enough already.

You wonder if your family will embrace an adopted child.

You worry that a birth parent could change his or her mind after the child is placed with you.

You feel uneasy and anxious about participating in an Open Adoption.

As an adoptive parent…

You may agonize over if, when, and/or how to tell your child their story.

You can hardly help feeling anxious or threatened by your child’s desire to meet and possibly have a relationship with their birth parent.

You worry about the hurt and pain your child might experience and, even if it goes well, about maintaining a relationship with your child’s birth parents.

As a birth parent…

You may be having difficulty coping with your decision to place your child for adoption.

Or you could be anxious about the idea of meeting or spending time with your son or daughter.

And you might wish you could have more contact with or updates about your child.

As a donor-conceived person…

You may wonder what your donor looks like – or whether you have anything in common.

You may want to know if you have any donor-siblings, and you may not like the term donor-siblings.

You might wish your parents had told you that you were donor-conceived – instead of leaving you to find out by accident when you submitted your DNA sample to a genealogy website.

As an adoptee…

You may have questions about your birth parents and their reasons for placing you for adoption.

You might struggle with feeling abandoned or unwanted. You really want to meet your birth parents, but you worry about whether or not they want to meet you.

And you worry that your decision to find out more about your birth parents might hurt your parents.

It seems as if there’s no one who really understands.

It’s difficult to find a safe space to discuss these issues and concerns because it’s often difficult for others – even other members of your own family – to put themselves in your shoes.

Try as they might, it’s difficult for them to understand what you’re going through and, therefore, hard for them to know what to say or how to help.

But I do. Let me help.

Exploring and discussing your concerns with someone who knows about these issues is important.

It can help you process your own thoughts and feelings as well as begin to understand where the other parties in these complex relationships are coming from.

Knowing how to share what’s on your heart and mind and being open and receptive to the thoughts and feelings of others is essential to the healing process.

Start your journey toward healing today (734) 263-6644.